You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Randomize