I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
