I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
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