I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
