woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
