they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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