You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
