Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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