some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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