forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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