his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
