Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
