i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
