Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
