Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
