I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Randomize
