I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my being single is dangerous.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
