a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
