just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
