The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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