id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
