If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
