I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Say something about gay babies.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
What changed your mind?
Being sober
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
