Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
