i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
