We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I don't deserve a penis
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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