she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
