I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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