Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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