Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
