Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
These tits shall not be calmed
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
