it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
