If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
