All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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