Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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