Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
