Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
