my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I can't turn off my feet"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
