he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
