It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
