I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Say something about gay babies.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
