just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
