I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
