I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
