I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
