I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
