conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
