Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
