We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
