things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
