made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
