are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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