the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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