my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
