wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
