Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
