Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
