tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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