Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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