Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Be still, my beating vagina.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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