My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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