as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
