What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we're so committed to being not committed
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
