Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Randomize
