Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
