And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
