EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Randomize
