So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
me + whiskey = a bad person
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
