Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Randomize
