i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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