it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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