Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
