yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
