oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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