If that was your dad, he is hot
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
