Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
