Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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