the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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