i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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