i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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