Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
