If that was your dad, he is hot
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
