If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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